Twirl and Taste: Crunchers - A Swirl of chocolate, brown sugar, peanut butter, butterscotch and crackers - go ahead, I bet you can't eat just one!

Twirl and Taste: Crunchers - A Swirl of chocolate, brown sugar, peanut butter, butterscotch and crackers - go ahead, I bet you can't eat just one!

Southern Fried Chaos

I grew up in a home where my mother was the Queen of Garage Sales. Seriously, this woman should have had a tiara (you know all us girls should!). She would sit at the kitchen table on Thursday nights with the classified ads and literally use a map to plan her route for Friday and Saturday garage sales. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated it tremendously, especially once I was married with children, since I didn't have to buy my kids new clothes for the first five years of their lives. (Thanks Mom!)

What I saw on this vacation puts my mother to shame. And made me feel that there are definitely MANY people who need to have their heads examined.

Ever since my parents retired to Tennessee I have heard tales of the mystical 127 Yard Sales. They would talk about them and to imagine them was beyond comprehension...until I experienced them myself. What words best describe them? Insanity? Suicidal? Chaos? I seriously think these people need to RUN, not walk, to the nearest head shrinker!

Route 127 runs from Florida to Michigan up (or down) our beautiful country. That's a long, long way! It is mostly a 2-lane country road, at least the parts I saw, with little or no shoulder to speak of. Now, imagine, if you will, a sea of white, blue or green tents set up on the side of the road for as far as the eye can see. Imagine limited parking. Now imagine being stuck in traffic, at a crawl, because, since there is no parking, people just stopping in the road to run to the tents when they see something that catches their eye. Or they are hungry and just need to jump out and grab a bite.

On our drive to town last Friday for my haircut Mom accidentally headed for town on auto pilot. Yep, instead of taking the local yokal back way she took the main road in...the dreaded Route 127. This is what I had the pleasure of witnessing.

This is just a small area on the way to town and it was like this all the way there AND also through town where merchants had leased out their parking lots for more and more tents. I suppose there really is truth to the saying "One man's junk is another man's treasure", but seriously? This was insane. People crossing the road just anywhere, stepping out from between parked cars, children running everywhere while mommy and daddy carried their "treasures" to their car, which was parked across the street and down the road on what little bit of shoulder there was. People who lived along the road allowed parking on their property. The whole scene reminded me of the Eisenhower Expressway, under construction, and the only lane available was the shoulder. (That's a Chicago reference for those who don't know.)

All I can say is that I am now a believer in the "127 Yard Sale" myth and vow to bring my GPS next time I visit in August so I will be able to find my way to town without having to see it again.

Training to be a Redneck

Oops! I did it again! No, I'm not channeling Britney, I just ran away from home...again! Sometimes, a mom just needs a break so once again, I decided to revert to my childhood and go south for a month of quality time with MY mommy and daddy.

I have been here a week and a half and so far I have had a wonderful time! Sleeping, hot tubbing, watching my nephew get hives, watching my sister get her cast off...again, pontooning on the lake, and the list goes on and on. I have made DVD's with my daddy from their Alaska /Yukon cruise. I have baked red velvet cupcakes with homemade cream cheese frosting with my mommy. I've helped reframe pictures and re-arrange them on the living room and guest room walls. But most of all, I have rested. And been selfish.

If I don't want to get dressed...I don't. (kinda like at home only somewhere else) If I want to lay in bed and watch TV...I do. (kinda like at home but again, somewhere else). And I nap. And nap. And when I wake up, I nap again. I really wish we could store up rest to use later when we really need it.

A strange thing has happened while being here in TN though. I wake up with this overpowering urge to go to Wal-Mart ya'll. Those who know me, know that back home in Chicago I refer to Wal-Mart as the Icky CaCa PooPoo store because that is what they are like up there. But here, in TN, Wal-Mart is like a palace...shopping heaven even. (Hey! Cut me some slack, I don't get out much!)

I also get a hanckerin' to drive across town to the little Mennonite store and pick me up some homemade sammiches on homemade bread and stock up on candy and junk food just because it's cheaper than at home and I'm here so I can. Even dragged my poor, wheelchair bound baby sister with me because I didn't know how to get there by myself.

Now, after updating this blog, I'm fixin' to go out on the porch swing, watch me some birds, look at the lake and hey, maybe I'll do some eyelid inspections while I'm at it.

Mom's Incredible Vacation

Have you ever wondered what the most awesome vacation would be? I discovered it this last weekend. My wonderful husband took my three wonderful children (are they still your "children" when they are 23, 19 and 19?) camping and left me home alone to fend for myself. Yes, you heard me right. 92 hours of total, unadulterated silence, in my own home, all by myself. What did I do with all that luxurious time? Well, let me fill you in.

Thursday, after watching them rush around with last minute packing, shopping, errands, a class and some work I FINALLY watched them pull away from the house. I went back into my silent house where I proceeded to dance, yes dance, my way through the house. I boogied, sashayed and backed my thing up and down the hallway and even got in a twirl or two. Then I sat down and perused my reading material. Yep, my abundance of take out menus began to earn their keep. After deciding on gyros and some fried cauliflower with ranch dip I jumped into a car (I actually had 3 to choose from!) and, with the windows down and the country station up, drove myself the five minutes to pick up my banquet. After returning home with my treasure I plopped myself down on the sofa...no teenage boy bodies spread or draped anywhere in sight...and picked up the remote (I didn't even have to hunt for it!) and started in on the backlog of DVR shows I had recorded. It was a Most Haunted, House Hunters, Gilmore Girls marathon in the living room on the big screen without having to pause it ONCE. Oh, glorious day!

Friday found me up at the crack of dawn. You heard me. The first day I get to sleep in and I'm up at 6 AM. What did I do? What any mother on her own in her house would do. I cleaned the top of my refrigerator. Yup, that's right. Then I started in on the cabinets, rearranging them to my new specifications, all the time knowing it would drive my family crazy when they got home. Oh, the joy, the happiness. After working up a sweat I then got in my number one past time...a nice, long bubble bath, soaking in the tub while watching TV. You got it, more DVR! Then after a nice afternoon of playing any Facebook game I wanted I hit the car again. Yep, radio blaring and windows down, on my way to my favorite restaurant. Walked in to pick up my chicken fingers and 2 side salads and there to greet me was my one of my favorite pseudo daughters, Miss Jessica. After a hug, I turned around to get my order and there was My Alana, with my order packed and ready to go. Turning to leave and yes, there was my other favorite pseudo daughter behind the bar, Miss Stephanie. After getting my fill of hugs it was back home to eat and once again, watch more DVR. Do you think I watch too much TV? What can I say, it was the end of the season and there were so many finales to catch.

Saturday brought a day of WORK. Yep, I do kinda have a job. After an hour's drive I arrived at work at 7:30 am and had a blast. The people I work with are so much fun and the job is never the same. After a long, toiling day that ended and 11:30 am (yep, I work really hard sometimes) I drove the hour home. Then, I did something I have been threatening myself to do for months. I dug out the Wii Fit and...GASP...exercised! It actually was fun and very relaxing, my yoga has improved at least. After a nice cool shower and leftover chicken fingers for dinner, yes you guessed it, more TV. At least this time it wasn't DVR. The Stanley Cup started and I got to watch one of the best hockey games I've ever seen without "Testosteronies" yelling, screaming, swearing and clapping from the other end of the house. Yep, I watched hockey like a lady and laughed the whole time that they were missing such a great game. They said they didn't care because they listened to it on the radio, but I KNOW what they missed! Hee Hee! GO HAWKS!!

Sunday was supposed to be a sleep in day but again 6 am and I'm wide awake. Spent 3 hours cleaning and organizing my closet then another awesome bubble bath. Then off to a barbecue at my brother's and his wife with my mother in law. Great food (free this time and not take out, all homemade), great fun and great conversation. Home early then bed early...making up for some late nights and early mornings.

Thankfully, I did actually sleep until 10:30 on Monday but that was only because it was a rainy, cloudy day. This weather could mean only one thing. THEY would be coming home early! THEY weren't due back until late afternoon but at 1:30 pm in they all trooped, sunburned, filthy, smelly and toting bags and bags of dirty laundry. So much for my nice, clean kitchen. So much for having all the laundry done. So much for my quiet. Well, it was a nice vacation while it lasted and, truth be told, by day 3 I did start to miss them and I was beginning to get a little bored with myself. It also was quite entertaining watching them go from cupboard to cupboard looking for something and not being able to find it. Maybe I will draw them a map. Or maybe not, I might be able to milk it for a couple days at least!

And then, once things had settled down I hear words I dread. "Mom you're going to Turkey Run in October with us right? We won't make you go hiking with us". HHHMMM...a vacation on vacation with at least 5 hours a day sitting in what is always either freezing cold and wet or steaming hot and muggy, all by myself. I'm thinking I might go...if there is a hotel nearby!

Boys will be boys!

Sunday is MY day! Now that the weather has gotten nicer, all the "testosteronies" that live in my house finally have the time of year they have been waiting for since ski season ended. It is the season of PAINTBALL!

My hubby and twin boys are paintball fanatics. They are constantly taking guns apart, putting them back together, doing target practice on the trees in the backyard and they have even built their own "zombie" (he wears some old, scary Halloween mask so that is what I have named him") that they do target practice on.

What I love most about "paintball day" is being able to sleep in, and sleep all day if I want. I don't have to hear arguing. I don't have to beg children to get up before 3 p.m. I don't have tons of college kids hanging out on Saturday night, all night, because they all have to get home so they can get up early to meet up. Unfortunately, they meet at my house so ten 19 and 20 year olds are at my house at 7:30 a.m. making coffee, getting gear together, arranging driving arrangements, and discussing where to stop for breakfast...very loudly! But once they are gone, aahh...sweet silence!

When they get home, they strip to their underwear in the garage and proceed to model for me all their battle wounds. Bruises cover their bodies, but they can tell me exactly who gave them which one...with pride in their voices. When I say they, I do mean all three of them...hubby, twin A and twin B.

Yesterday, I noticed that my hubby must be getting old. What makes late 40ish men think they can run with the little boys (20 year olds)? He came home, changed his clothes, planted his behind on the couch with his laptop to watch the Blackhawk game and proceeded to look as if he needed CPR. The exhaustion was written all over his face. He was so tired that he, the man who NEVER goes to bed before 11 p.m., was in bed, snoring, by 9:15.

I suggested to him that perhaps he needed to find a past time that was more age appropriate and proceeded to come up with a couple ideas. Pinochle? Bingo? When he pooh poohed that I decided to invent my own old person past time...Bingo using paintball guns to mark your cards. I think that kinda covers everything. Now if I can get enough old men who are still trying to be kids to participate maybe I could start a club for them. What do you think?

All About Me!

Welcome to my very first attempt at blogging! Thank you for taking the time to stop by and visit.

I wanted to start a venue where I can try to share the strange, funny oddities that we all call LIFE! I have noticed in the last year that reflection on the past and wonderment on where the time went has become a daily occurrence.

It all began in November 2008, when several life altering events occurred. I was told my best friend was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Then, in December, my daughter, who suffers from tertiary Lyme's disease and cyclic vomiting syndrome, was once again (for about the 100th time) admitted to the hospital in the throes of a terrible episode. While caring for my friend and my daughter I realized I was just a week or so away from a visit from all of my family from TN for Christmas. Then it hit me! I had lost ME!

I went into total shut down mode. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically and after seeing the doctor, realized that in my attempt to fix everyone else, I was falling apart. Diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, anxiety and a host of other symptoms had moved into my body. So I slept. And slept. And slept some more. Then, in June of 2009, I was referred for a new sleep study. Diagnosis: narcolepsy with cataplexy. AHA!! The relief set in. I wasn't crazy. I wasn't being lazy. I just needed to start listening to my body. With medication and treatment finally applied to all my ailments I began to see through the fog. There used to be a me when I was younger. There was a me when I was dating. I had a "me" when I got married. Why then, did motherhood make my "me" go astray?

We, as mothers, are wired to care, body and soul, for the tiny, precious lives we bring into this world. When we neglect caring for ourselves, we are not doing the best we can to develop these tiny, young people into the best adults they can be. To be caring and concerned human beings capable of helping others. Sooo...here is the giggle of this story! One of many I try desperately to retrieve from my cloudy mind.

Every 4th of July we have a HUGE block party with several of our neighbors, which includes the family of my best friend. She passed from her cancer in February 2009, but bless them, her husband and daughter wanted to continue with the party tradition. Early in the morning on the 4th, as I was preparing my portion of the food for the party, my husband and daughter were talking about past 4th parties and about our dear friend. The funny stories started to come out, as they often do. One particular story had us all rolling with laughter. Face hurting, stomach muscle cramping laughter. Then it happened. I felt my legs go weak, my arms went weak and then next thing I knew, I was in a lump on the floor. The tears running down my face from laughter quickly turned to tears of terror. Little did I know, part of narcolepsy can be a condition called cataplexy. It causes temporary paralysis, usually brought on by extreme emotion...ie: The Funny Story. I mean paralyzed. Cannot move. Not going anywhere. Then it happened. My daughter showed me I had succeeded in one thing for sure. She sat down on the kitchen floor next to her still as a doormat mom and wiped my tears and nose for me since my hands were no help at all. She sat there for a half hour talking to me, soothing me, caring for me, much in the same way I had done for her since her beginning.

Looking back at it now, I again laugh hysterically because in that moment I realized we had created a new parlor game...Paralyze the Narcoleptic. When you want a good laugh, make me laugh. Go ahead, I don't mind. As long as you do it in a place that when I go down I don't get hurt. I can hear you but I can't respond to you...just know I'm laughing right along with you, because I know it's temporary, I know it looks funny and I know if I was watching it happen to someone else I'd be laughing my butt off! Why? Because now I have the knowledge of what it is. I know it won't hurt me. And if I cried every time something like that happened I would be a miserable person.

So Laugh. Find the humor. Tomorrow is another day and you know darn well there will be more comedy coming!